January 6, 2009

Fit For A King

I am dreaming of a king-sized bed.

I KNOW. They are huge, unnecessarily big, really. Why would anyone need a bed that big?

Lucky for you, I can explain.

I share my double bed with my loving partner, and occasionally my loving bulldog. My BH has enthusiastic conversations in his sleep, and often sleeps on the diagonal. ON THE DIAGONAL.

Morty has enthusiastic drooling sessions in his sleep, as well as nightmares, often kicks me in the face, and of course.... He is dramatically flatulent. Without fail, every time he lets one rip, he has conveniently positioned his butt to be facing my nose. All I hear is the dreaded "ffffftttt" sound, like air being let out of a balloon. Then it's an apocalypse for my lungs, and my eyes water.

He is also a giant, and lately I have woken up to find myself without blankets, one leg off the bed, clutching the corner just to stay on the mattress. Inevitably, Morty and my BH are comfortably snoring away in the remaining 90% of the bed.

So I started fantasizing about a king-sized bed. Not for this apartment. Maybe not even for the next one. But someday, I would like a huge bed where my sweetheart and I can sleep comfortably, along with any dogs, cats or babies that are hanging out with us at the time. I've thought about a queen, but after sleeping in one this past New Years and STILL ending up with the farty end of the stick, I'm stuck on a king.

I'm picturing a sleigh bed in black, but my taste may change over the next ten years (approximately how long it will take me to afford a king-sized bed).


A. & J. said...

Oooh make the purchase and buy a king size. You won't regret it. :)

Shawna said...

Do it now. You deserve it. Laughed all through this entry.

Stella said...

Thanks guys. I'm glad you understand.

At very least I have to wait for the BH to be done school so that I don't have to pick between groceries and my dream bed. But then? I WILL STALK FURNITURE STORES.

Laura said...

Ohhhhhhh... I want one too...


XUP said...

I don't think a king-sized bed will solve your problems. I would get two double beds. They can be in separate rooms or in the same room with a little night-stand in between. And you could totally afford another double bed RIGHT NOW! A lot of couples end up doing this eventually anyway, so you might as well save yourself years of grief.

Nat said...

Well, a queen-sized bed might do the trick as a compromise?

Or you know... kick the dog or the man out of bed?

raino said...

i cannot believe that you've been doing without a king size bed up to now with a pooch in bed with ya. i would go shopping now. i bet you there are loads of after holiday sales on. sleep well.