Hella Stella

When you've been sick for a month and have spent half your weekend inhaling paint fumes in the name of a Brighter Whiter Kitchen, you don't turn down an invitation to Le Nordik Spa. In fact, when you do get the offer, you run screaming out the door yelling things like "God yes, take me now! NOW!!!"

And so, yesterday, I crated my enormous puppy, stripped off my paint-splattered pajamas, and hopped in the car with some of my girls. Off to Chelsea! To the land of smooth skin and salt water baths! To the land of the beloved steam room! To the land of chocolate fondue and port! To the land of ginormous implants that boggle the mind!

We weren't disappointed. It was just what I needed, and it was so pleasant that we stayed approximately three hours longer than I expected. Oh yes.

Some notes:

- I have yet to meet someone that loves the steam room the way I love the steam room. I probably spent a total of an hour and a half in there. Of course, I paid for it later with a migraine like a kick in the head because I didn't drink enough water afterwards. Dumb. Not a mistake I'll make again.

- What is the point of getting gigantic fake tits if they look, well, ridiculous? One woman was getting snickered at everywhere she went because her boobs looked positively comical. Like, helium balloon comical. I wanted to go slap them around a bit to see how they'd move, but I figured that would get awkward pretty quickly.

- Spa music is so non-committal. One minute you're floating around a major key, and then you slip into the minor.... Back up to the major, over into the minor..... Happy, depressed, happy, depressed. Pick a damn mood, wooden flute!

- I keep forgetting that I don't like saunas. It's weird, because I love heat, but I honestly can't breathe in a sauna. Not to mention the fact that I managed to burn the bottoms of my feet in there and had to walk very gingerly for the rest of my stay. Steam room all the way.

- The chocolate fondue at the spa is amazing. I would eat that shit on a rubber boot.

My skin is all glowy and silky smooth today, and I am already planning my next escape to the Nordik. I highly recommend a spa day to any of you about to paint your kitchen NEON GREEN. It'll take a load off of your mind.