Hella Stella

Some quick things while I'm rushing around:

1. The Colombian arrives today. God knows when I'll see him, because his planning sucks so majorly, but at least we'll be in the same city for a few days. I wonder if I can get him out to my Wakefield gig on Saturday.... Actually, never mind. He'd arrive four hours after the show was finished. (Oh hey, I'm playing in Wakefield Saturday. Y'all are invited, as always.)

2. I'm playing at the NAC Fourth Stage tonight in a benefit for a public school's arts program. I love playing the Fourth Stage, so I'm thrilled. Also? Christmas dinners are piling up, so I could use the extra cash. I sure hope the audience is in the mood for CDs.

3. While I've been obsessed with Dan Black's Un record for some time now, I've entered a whole new level of appreciation for him lately. Partly because I think he's a fantastic songwriter, artist and all around crazy dude, but also because I can't seem to cover his songs. Usually I can manage a pretty decent cover, but every time I play his stuff, I find myself longing for his version. He's just so GOOD. I can't pull off what he pulls off. I love you, Dan Black. Please keep making music. Also, Cocoon and Let Go break my heart into a million pieces every time I listen to them.

4. Christmas baking has begun, and I'm getting fat. I'm not usually one to care about a few extra pounds over the holiday season, buy holy fuck dudes, it's not even December yet. Must slow down. There's delicious curves, and then there's delicious curves, if you catch my drift.

5. I have a couple more gifts to order, and then I'm all done my Christmas shopping. Packages seem to be arriving in the mail every second day. It's excellent fun.

6. Grant applications are making my brain ache. I'm making several backup plans in case I need to finance my own recording again, even though that will make me so much more broke than I am right now. It's going to be quite a process, so be patient with me. I'm thankful that my BH will be working soon - all the more room to funnel money into my music addiction!

Oh my God. I love me some Billy Bragg.

And I love him even more for doing this.

I'm thinking of you, striking buddies! Let's celebrate with one of my favourite ditties, shall we?

Sexuality!

I stayed up far too late last night, but it was worth it. I was standing right in front of the stage at Babylon, watching Julie Doiron and Herman Dune play their sets. What a great lineup.

It was a quirky evening. My BH and I bought a Herman Dune mug, because I think it will make those cups of tea even more enjoyable. We had friends to hang out with, and we didn't get kicked out by the management, so that's an improvement from our past experiences at that venue......

Anyway, it got me thinking about my life. It's a good one - I know that. I feel very lucky to be surrounded by so many good people. But how do I measure my life? How do I decide that I am doing well, and by what standards? Milan's post reminded me how differently everyone weighs their successes and failures. When I think about it, many of the people I know use wildly different ways to measure out their lives. Here are some examples off the top of my head:

Carbon footprint: I have a few friends who measure just about everything they do by trying to calculate how harmful it is on the environment. Some of them do extremely well, integrating their lifestyle with the pressures of a materialistic society, and some of them struggle to find a reasonable balance.

Money: Many people I know spend all their time trying to accumulate more money. A lot of these people are miserable, but don't tell them that - they will point to their bank accounts to prove you otherwise. It's kind of depressing.

Sex: Some people tie their life's worth to the number of people they date. This can range from perfectly happy and stable adults, to people with very low self esteem, to people who really don't want to commit to anyone. Some of them are just lost.

Lifestyle: I have some friends who pay very close attention to how their lifestyle matches up with those around them. House, car, babies... All achieved because, y'know, isn't that what you're supposed to do? Sometimes they are genuinely happy, and sometimes you can tell that they're wondering what the hell they are doing.

Social life: We probably all place some weight on our friends, our social activities, our life outside the home. Some people are extremely gifted in this area, and don't seem to be drained by the constant demands of having a huge social network. Some people, like me, push it too hard and then hibernate for months at a time.

Work: I know a few people who have very good jobs... And that's it. Life is about their position in the hierarchy of the workplace. Everything is measured according to the possibility of promotion.

Art: There are a lot of artists in my family. Some do it casually, but some are completely engrossed in their art. Usually they maintain a good balance, but I do know of some examples where the art came before family, friends, and grocery bills.

Health: Understandably, I think people who have had major health scares place this much higher than society at large. It's easy to forget about your health until it fails you. I am starting to see this more in my own life, because I know I won't be young and spunky forever.


So the question is.... How do I measure my life?

I think my values continue to change and shift as I age. Maybe my answer to this question in a year's time will be different. But right now, this is it:

I'm starting to value quality over quantity.

Quality in friends - I know a lot of people, but I'm more interested in the people I keep close, and purging myself of bad influences. I've got less and less patience for assholes, and I've noticed lately that I trust very few people. This seems weird to me, but it's true. Quality in home life - I have an amazing partner, a wonderful dog, a great family. I wouldn't trade any of them for anything. My life would be very empty if I didn't have them around. I also try to find balance in my impact on the outside world, but this is tough to manage: I try to keep a diet that is less harmful than most, I travel by plane every few years, I don't own a car, I walk to work, I buy locally whenever I can... But my well-being and happiness still dictate to what extent I follow these things. There are some things I won't give up, like travel, buying books, imported wine, and some foods. I also don't respond well to preaching - I tend to tell people to go fuck themselves if they get all holier-than-thou on me. As for my art, this is an area where I feel like I'm failing. I simply haven't made space for musical growth the way I would like to. This will be a work in progress, I suppose - and hey, I'm actually recording some new songs in the next couple of weeks! As for money, work and lifestyle, I strive to be debt free and stable. I will likely never be rich. That's okay with me.

How do you judge your own life's success? How do you know if you're doing okay? Are there areas you'd like to work on? Tell me all about it. I'm listening.

This weekend was a busy one. List after list of errands to run, a night of sexy readings and music at Venus Envy, a whole lot of people on the Hill for a climate change rally, and lots of Bones.

A great weekend, actually. My mood was a bit volatile for parts of it, but I am managing it better now. I'm going to try shutting down instead of erupting. I'm really more of an erupter, but this time I'd just rather be quiet. Jury's out on how that will work.

I'm amazed, and a little scared, that October is drawing to a close. It's okay; it's been a good month, but man, did it ever fly.

While I realize that Halloween hasn't even arrived yet, I've got a confession: I'm planning for Christmas / Hannukah. In fact, I've got over half my gifts bought. NO, REALLY.

Here's my thinking: As this year progresses, I will become more and more broke. I'd rather stockpile Christmas gifts now and leave December for family, friends and baking. I'm not over-spending on anyone, but I am trying to pick things that are thoughtful and unique. We'll see if I manage it.

Meanwhile, my BH and I are going to a concert tonight that promises to kick so much ass, I can't even explain it. I'm a little behind on the concert scene lately, so I only found out about the show a few days ago. I read the lineup, got out my credit card, and bought the tickets within three minutes.

Oh yeah, baby.

Well folks, here it is. Some of my highlights from the OCFF conference.

My favourite band of the night, The Gertrudes! There are several banjos in there, and I counted four accordions at one point. Amazing. Wonderful. And packed into a tiny hotel room. At one point I heard someone say, "Now I know what a salmon feels like."



The charming Peter Katz, singing with Emma-Lee. Right after this song finished I tried to clap while also holding a styrofoam cup full of wine. Looking smooth FAIL. Lucky for me, nobody noticed the mess, and my dress was purple anyway. Wardrobe WIN.

Trevor Alguire with my buddy Thom. I stand at about Trevor's hip height, but we still manage to chat just fine.

Trevor singing his lovely songs.

Karyn Ellis! I love her. She's coming to Raw Sugar in November, people! Let's go!

Another huge highlight for me.... The United Steelworkers of Montreal. Totally nuts... Just the way I like 'em.

The crowd at Sultans of String.

A blurry Tara Holloway. She's got a voice like a tiger! Amazing!

The wonderful Craig Cardiff. He did a very clever version of a Dan Bern song where he inserted the line, "There's a new Walmart in town, and it's pretty much the greatest thing." I laughed because, y'know... He's a funny dude.

C'est tout, babies. It is now 7pm and I'm going to bed. Time to catch up on some sleep.

Well darlings, the conference was great. I am wiped. WIPED. My body doesn't respond well to 4am bed time, but again. It was worth it.

I have so many pictures to share and so many great bands to talk about. I'll try and upload them tonight so you can get down with the funky music.

As for the aftermath... Well.... My throat is sore, and I've lost my beloved capo.* Not a bad haul, overall. HOWEVER.

That is the fifth capo I've lost since I started using, uh, expensive capos. They are $30 each. With tax, I've thrown away about $200 on clumsiness. Sad. Ironically, I had a leatherworker friend make me a custom guitar strap with a capo holder built in for just this situation.

I still lost the fucking thing.

Most unfortunately, I only noticed my capo was missing at 2:30am in the middle of a set. I had finished all my open songs, looked around, and realized that I was screwed. Luckily, when your audience is drunk, it's easy to pretend that you know what you are doing when your gear craps out.

I met one of my favourite songwriters this weekend, too. Turns out he's actually very funny. I'll tell you about my dorky conversation with him in the next post. I think I used to be a lot smoother when I met people I was crazy about. Those days are gone. It's like someone turned up my dork factor to maximum.

More later, but for now, I have to make sure I don't fall asleep in some random place before the day is done.

*A capo is a little thingy you put on your stringed instrument to change the key. It's very useful, and about 80% of my songs involve capo usage.

So many things to say.

First, OCFF is this weekend. I'm playing twice, both tonight at completely ungodly hours in the morning. When I know I'm going to be low on sleep, I get this deep feeling of dread in my stomach. I'm a bit nuts when I haven't slept. Then I just dive in and everything is fine - when you're surrounded by so many great musicians, a little sleep is an easy trade. That being said, I will probably sleep until noon tomorrow.

In other news, I have joined a choir. A church choir, no less. Background story!

When I was a kid, choir was a huge part of my life. I rehearsed twice a week, sometimes more, depending on how many groups I was in. This continued throughout my teenage years when I studied music at my arts high school.

But when high school was done? No choir. No classical music at all, actually. I played in bands, and that was the extent of my musical activities. I've been missing choir like crazy these past few years. Last week, I looked up different choirs in the city to see if any of them peaked my interest. The best ones all have scary-looking auditions, which makes sense, but not something I want to subject myself to at this point. I decided to leave my choir yearnings on the back burner until next year.

Then the universe handed me a big present. My high school music teacher sent a mass e-mail asking if anyone would like to join his church choir. They are singing all seven movements of this piece for their Christmas concert, and they need some reinforcements. I wrote back expressing my interest, and he called me back about a minute after I pressed send. He and I always got along swimmingly, and we chatted for ages before we started talking about the actual choir.

Last night was the rehearsal, and dude, it's SO COOL and also SO WEIRD to be in choir again. This time it's a little different, because I am the youngest person there by about, oh, forty years. Okay, maybe twenty. No, maybe forty. Also, as I mentioned, my high school music teacher is running the choir, so I feel like I've been sucked into a time vacuum and spat out when I was about sixteen. He hasn't changed at all! His erratic hand movements, his goofy falsetto, his pencil throwing, his bag of grapes.....

There was one other girl at rehearsal who I went to school with, and halfway through the practice, we both turned to each other at the same time and said, "SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE."

Anyway. I'll be in this choir until Christmas, and then I may join my high school alumni choir in January. I've got to say... I've only got one shaky rehearsal under my belt, but it is so nice to be surrounded by choral harmonies again. Like a big, warm blanket. So worth it.

On an unrelated note... I think I should hibernate this winter (besides choir practice, obvs). I'm feeling a little over extended with my gigging. For whatever reason, having regular gigs seemed easier when I had classes and a few part time jobs. I don't know why I find it so much harder now that I work full time. Technically, it should be easier, because my schedule is more predictable. But it's not, and at this point, it would be better if I took on fewer gigs so that I can spend my spare time writing and learning new things. Nothing sucks worse than a stale song.

I'll still be gigging... I'll just be a little pickier about when shows I take on. My fabulous cousin Brian has offered me full use of his home studio, so I may even get a bit of recording done. YES PLEASE.

It turned out to be a very busy weekend - one which I'll break down in a numbered list, because you all now how much I love that.

1. Tarts n' Crafts was excellent. My co-seller and I sold more pussy pops than we could have hoped for, and there were only two left at the end of the day. Proud! I picked one up for Zoom, as promised, because chocolate pussy on a stick cures what ails ya. Or at least, it makes the bad stuff seem a lot better. I also bought a stuffed owl from my friend Haley of Swing Low Studio. The owl's new name is VEEB (loosely for Venus Envy Bursary, I added the extra E for emphasis), and Morty wants to eat him SO BAD. I actually had to hide VEEB the minute I got home, because I saw the look in Morty's eyes... It was one of lusty passion. Poor little VEEB. Destined to live on a high shelf.

2. Hung out with two good friends from my teenage days, one of which being High School Boyfriend. Gave them both a pussy pop. Ate Ethiopian food. Discussed weddings and real estate. I believe someone called me self-important, not terribly seriously, and it occurred to me that I am far less sensitive now than I am All Grown Up. Apparently things have changed since I was 16. I care 97% less about interpersonal drama. My reaction when I was younger was often to blow things out of proportion. My reaction now is to roll my eyes and boot someone in the ass. Anyway, we're all going to be at a wedding in about a month, along with everyone else we used to go to school with. It's going to be fun, although I think I will pre-drink in case my newfound maturity trips up in the face of my entire graduating class. I may or may not have been known for flashing my bits at people with my partner in crime (Hi Haley!).

3. Went to the garden centre with my mum and froze my tits off. Seriously, it was so damn cold. We picked up some veggies for planting and then went back home to dye my mum's hair. It was a great Mother's Day activity! She looks fabulous with her new colour. Turns out she didn't start getting greys until she was past forty, and I actually had to mask my disappointment. If I'm the same way, it'll be a long time to wait until I can have the silver streak I was looking forward to. I know, I plan hair styles a bit far in advance...

4. Saw Junior Boys at Babylon. People? This band rocked my pants off. True to form, I squeezed my way to the front of the stage until I was standing right in front of the band's lead singer. I was literally a few feet away - the only thing separating us was his monitor (I'm only 5'2, so I have no qualms moving steadily through the crowd until I've got a good view - being timid about it means I can't see a damn thing). It was amazing. He has such a great voice, and he really knows how to entertain. Meanwhile, his bandmate literally just played a giant computer and looked bored, occasionally flipping his hipster hair back. The singer pretty much carried the show. I guess I can sympathize a bit... This was the last night of a six-week tour. I might look bored and moody too (okay, probably not).

Tonight I'm off to see Star Trek with the gang. I used to watch the original series a bit obsessively, but never got hooked on next gen... I'm excited to see what they've done with this film.