I'm in a funny place right now. I think the changing season is responsible. I spend most of my time in la la land, dreaming about autumn, walking through autumn, cooking with fall foods.... Seriously dreamy. Just don't ask me to do any heavy thinking.
Over the past month, our house has really become our home. We went from ordering take-out every night to making elaborate curries, canning, baking cinnamon buns and cobbler. Our new mattress came and we've been sleeping so much better; sure beats the groggy nights we spent surrounded by sawdust. Since we bought the television, we've been able to sit back and watch our favourite movies with the dogs on our laps. Our lawn sorta kinda came in. Actually, let's not talk about that.
We're already planning nights to bake pumpkin pies. I'm pulling my sweaters out of storage. My scarves have gotten some use. The entryway is muddy and full of leaves. We bought a rake. The neighbourhood smells like a wood stove.
This really is the best time of year.
Since my uncle passed away, two strange things have happened. I called my grandmother and her machine picked up. A familiar voice told me to leave a message. I forgot my uncle had recorded himself on the answering machine.... Now every time I call my grandmother, part of me wants her to pick up right away, and part of me wants to hear the message again.
Then, I was cleaning out my e-mail, and I found a message from my uncle that he sent me in August. He wished me all the best with the house, and told me to keep in touch. It's been hard to process his death because it happened so suddenly, but I really miss him. It's just strange to think that I'll never see him again. I guess that's the thing about death. It's... Strange.
In happier news, I've booked two shows for October. I was going to book more, but I think I've lost the urge to gig constantly. Now I just want to play shows that fit what I need, instead of taking everything that comes down the pipe. Maybe I'll lose some good opportunities this way, but it makes me feel calmer.
Here are the gigs.... I'd love to see some of you out there! It will be a meet and greet of sorts, or if we've already met, it will be a good time to listen to music and drink beverages of your choice. Bring your friends too!
Friday, Oct 22, 2010
Raw Sugar Cafe, Ottawa
With THE AMAZING Shawna Caspi
$6, 8:30pm
Friday, Oct 8, 2010
Cafe Dekcuf, Ottawa
With Great Bloomers and Kalle Mattson
$10 advance, 9pm
Tickets available at Vertigo Records or www.ticketweb.ca
I'm alive!
I've done more painting and demolition in the past two weeks than I've ever attempted.... Ever. I also know the layout of Home Depot pretty much by heart, which is not a skill I hoped to master. But there you have it.
The next week will be spent putting down a wood floor. Then we actually start moving in. I honestly can't wait to see it come together.
But enough about the house! Surely other things have been going on... Right? Here's a rundown of my activities as of late:
- I played the Tulip Fest, but because they didn't have a CD tent, I missed out on the chance to actually sell anything. Thank goodness it was a paying gig.
- I don't think I'm going to play any gigs for the rest of the summer. My rationalization is that I want to give my brain some time to enjoy the new house, and maybe even have some quiet writing time. Also.... I'm just burned out.
- It's become clear to me in the past couple of weeks that I'm good at being bossy. Maybe I could make a career out of that...
- My little sister is graduating! I'll head up to Peterborough next week for the ceremony. My enjoyment of Peterborough is always tied to two things: how much I can drink while I'm there, and how many antique stores I can hit up. If I do neither of these things, I tend to dislike my visit. Sorry, town.
- The neighbours on my new street are lovely. This is good, because they have some tough competition from my current beloved street.
- Despite extensive planning, we've been eating like crap since the renos started. I don't really have a good excuse - I just need to make time to cook. No more take out. Say it with me now.
- My dogs? They are adorable. The other day, Frida got into a tube of toothpaste and was covered by the time we got home. Minty fresh puppy. Also.... Terribly mischievous.
Thanks for sticking with me, folks!
EDIT: Ooooh, I almost forgot.... There is a distinct possibility that we will have a swap box at the new house. More soon.
The past couple of days have been a bit of a drain on the ol' system.
On Friday, we got a sweet letter from my BH's grandmother. When he was growing up in India, both his parents worked full time, so he was basically raised by her. We stayed with her when we were in Mumbai a few years ago - she was a remarkable lady. Still teaching sewing at 94, feisty, polite, and always thinking of her family. She was also incredibly gracious to me, this strange white girl with tattoos, dangly earrings and bleached hair. She made me feel at home in a city that pretty much scared my pants off.
Anyway. The letter. It had her familiar handwriting on it. We were thrilled to her from her. We pledged to write her back as soon as we could.
Friday night I was at a gay dance party, working the door and getting sloshed off my ass. What else would one do at a gay dance party, I ask you? Exactly. Then my cell rang sometime after midnight, and my BH was calling to say that his grandmother had passed away in her sleep.
I spent the following hour stumbling home, drunk and sad, trying to make condolence calls that didn't give away how much booze I had in my system. I woke up hungover after sleeping only a few hours and dragged my butt to choir practice. We sang spirituals and I cried through them, miraculously without anyone noticing. It was a bad 12 hours for me. It was worse for my BH.
My BH's grandmother, or Mumma, as everyone called her, was very much the neighbourhood's mom. She raised so many kids on her own, whether or not they were blood relatives. Mumma helped put a lot of children through school. She was widowed at a young age, and spent the rest of her life giving back to the families in her community. A chunk of Mumbai is mourning today.
I remember a story she told me once: She and her husband planned a big party to celebrate their wedding anniversary, but he passed away right before the event. She said she didn't want to waste everyone's efforts to put together the party, so she decided to have it anyway. That made me so sad, but she said it very matter-of-factly. Why waste? She was strong, that woman. Seeing her interact with my BH was amazing. There was so much love between them. I feel honoured that I got to meet her... She taught me so much in one small trip.
We can't afford to go to India for the funeral. Her home will probably be sold, and her belongings will be split up among the family members there. It makes me sad for my BH, who may not get to see his childhood home again. I'm thankful that we went to India when we did, but I wish we could be there now.
Now I'm left wondering how to give my BH a great 30th birthday tomorrow with all this sadness floating around. He deserves a great day, you know?
Anyway. It's tough, but I keep reminding myself that she had a wonderful life, and loved us until the end.
XUP actually managed to guess where I went last night, so I may as well spill the beans. I went to Disney on Ice. No, seriously. Me. There.
First, a disclaimer that I know some of you out there really love Disney, and that's cool with me. It's just that since I outgrew the Little Mermaid, I haven't been able to stomach Disney-style cheese and I now avoid it like the plague.
So how did I end up losing two hours of my life in a hockey arena surrounded by thousands of screaming children in a sea of fluorescent pink cotton candy?
My mum-in-law loves Disney. So does my dad-in-law. So does their youngest son. And there was an extra ticket. When I was asked, I couldn't think of an excuse not to go, and I honestly didn't expect it to make my brain bleed the way it did.
The experience was... Interesting. Mostly humiliating. A lot of the kids were my height, and while I know I'm short, it was a bit of a jarring reminder. Also, my MIL made all of us sit on Mickey's lap and take a picture. I'M NOT EVEN JOKING. There is photographic evidence that I was at Disney on Ice, and it involves me sitting on Mickey Mouse's lap with a look of frozen horror on my face. I assure you, if I wasn't surrounded by family and a bunch of snotty children, I could have done much funnier things with that situation.
Perhaps you think I'm spineless for tagging along and even posing for the photo.... But honestly, that woman is so good to me. The least I can do is spend some time doing the things she likes to do. After all, she once showed up to a lesbian music festival I was playing at to say hi before my set. She's cool like that.
I woke up this morning with a crazy migraine, and so did my dad-in-law, so we're guessing that the Disney pyrotechnics show does bad things to a person's brain.
I personally think the migraine was caused by getting the Mickey theme song in my head and humming it as I went to sleep. That's enough to cause brain damage. Let's be honest.
Today is the kind of beautiful I've been dreaming about all winter. My BH and I are going to a BBQ for the first time since the fall. Best of all? I peeled the plastic off my windows!! It doesn't get much better than that.
Tomorrow's funeral is going to be very strange.
I don't see this side of the family very often. In fact, the last time I saw them all was at a funeral several years ago in the same funeral home. How sad is that? But it makes sense - my parents were never cheerleaders for spending loads of time with our extended family. Frankly, there were so many of them, it would have been quite the challenge. We got to know our immediate family and those we chose to be part of our crew.
Everyone else, we saw at funerals.
Funny, because I've never actually been to a wedding on this side of the family either.
Going to India with my BH was a brain twist... There, family is everything and you know them all. Your cousin's cousin's cousin, and all their neighbours, and their neighbour's neighbours. That's how all of Mumbai seemed to know that we were married (even though we're not) because it only took one person saying it and BAM. Marriage.
I digress.
Last night, I caught a glimpse of this salad and suddenly found myself with blinders on. All I wanted was that salad. So on my way home, I went to the grocery store to pick up the ingredients I needed. Somehow I managed to leave one of my grocery bags at the cash, and didn't notice until I was back in my house with my Kitchen Bitch apron on, chopping the hell out of my veggies.
I ran back to the store, which was closing in fifteen minutes, and gestured to my receipt in a panic. They had just put all my things away. I felt like a jackass, watching them run around the store trying to collect everything.
The salad was worth it, I'm happy to report. I think I might make it again tonight.
So... I'm still waiting nervously for winter to snap back at us and laugh.... What's with all this spring weather?
My great uncle died this morning.
It would not be a stretch to say that we didn't get along. His comments when he found out I was dating a "brown man" made me growl at his name for years. He also made my sister cry several times because she figured she could win the argument of the moment, and he knew better. So it goes.
But he was also a character. He had signature crazy eyebrows that were known among family and friends alike. Starting when he was a young man, he would grow them out and curl them upwards to make himself look part diabolical and part goofy. He was a ruthless businessman and ran his company extremely well. His car was the only Jaguar I've ever sat inside. I remember running into him once at the bank when I was still in high school, and when I mentioned that I was saving up for university, he handed me a fifty, winked, and walked away.
He mellowed over the years - his racism and homophobia took a back seat year after year, and died completely when his daughter married a black woman.
I remember grinning like a Cheshire cat when I heard that news.
I will miss him because underneath it all, he was a funny, sharp-witted man who loved to make people laugh. Cheers to you, Uncle Maury. You were one of a kind.
Sorry for the blog silence over the past few days... I've been in Peterborough for the annual family reunion!
I know I've often made fun of Peterborough, calling it Peter-boring and Peter-blaaaaah among other inspired names. This year I had fun though, and I got to bunk with my sister in her neat old apartment. Morty came too, and behaved super well other than leaving a small turd in my sister's front hall. That's my Morty: always willing to bestow fragrant gifts to anyone who needs a little something.
My sis would like me to go gig there this winter, which I'll have to look into, since the Value Village in Peterborough seems to be at least ten times better than the Value Village(s) in Ottawa. I'm not kidding when I say thrift shopping is my motivating factor for planning a trip back.
So I have the week off. I still can't quite wrap my head around it. I have big plans to read my new Christmas books, and a trip to the Nordik may also be in the cards. I don't want to do too much else, minus some visiting and some quality time at Raw Sugar.
Wait.... Is New Years this week? Dang.
I'll have to add getting shitfaced drunk to my vacation 'to do' list.
I was having a grand old time yesterday until I noticed "breaking news" pop up on my TV screen.
There were coordinated attacks in Mumbai. Where my BH grew up, where his family still lives, and where we spent a month of our time a year and a half ago. Concern.
"The attacks began at the Leopold Cafe.."
Huh. I've been there.
"Then at the main train station..."
Been there.
"A popular and central cinema..."
Went there. Saw Spiderman.
"And the Taj hotel in Oberoi."
Spent a fair amount of time there.
"It is so far unclear who the targets are."
Well, judging by the locations, rich people and tourists.
All the family is safe and accounted for, thank you to those of you who wrote to check in. The whole situation is out of control and sickening, and seeing Leopold's covered in blood is not something I will remember fondly. I'll be watching things unfold throughout the day, since there are still hostages in one of the targeted hotels and the Taj is on fire. As I suspected, the attackers apparently asked for passports to determine the nationality of their hostages... Last report I heard said they wanted US and British citizens. Still, many Indians died in the attacks and the death count is around 100 so far. My thoughts are with everyone in Mumbai and everyone affected by this disgusting display of violence.
Yup, nothing cheerful to say today.
