Hella Stella

Last night, I played at my office Christmas party.

This is not something that would normally appeal to me, but I actually offered this time around. One of my bosses was leaving, and I thought it would be a nice gesture. People were very sweet about it. I actually sold more CDs than I expected.

Playing for co-workers is a... Unique experience. I'm happy to share my "other job" with them, but I can't deny that it changes my professional relationships in the process. After they hear me play, I become a musician first, and co-worker second. On a personal level, I prefer this. I certainly put music ahead of my job when I think about my identity. But it does make meetings awkward when people change the subject to ask me about guitar lessons, or pitch their musical opinions my way. It's not really a complaint, but a strange side effect of having a musical line of work.

Speaking of musical opinions, this might have been the most frustrating part of the evening. It happens all the time, so it's certainly not reserved for my co-workers, but I have to ask: Why do people become authorities on my musical career after they've heard me play? It's very common for somebody to come talk to me after a gig with the sole purpose of giving me advice. Obviously they mean well, but they tend to have no experience with music, music management, recording, or running shows. Those who do have the experience? I welcome feedback. But holy, I could write a book about the strange advice I've been given.

Last night, a well-meaning colleague said that I should give up playing instruments and writing songs so I could "focus only on my voice."

"Like... A capella?" I said, confused.

"No, just, like, singing."

"But I sing the songs I write. And I play the songs I write."

"But you could sing pop music instead!"

He then proceeded to butcher a song on my banjo. Seriously, dude? This will sound rude, but don't give me stupid advice. It wastes my time. I write songs, I play instruments, and I'm not going to quit because you'd rather I sing pop music. My response to these opinion bombs is changing, too. I've always been as gracious as possible with people, but now I have to bite my tongue not to tell them to fuck off. Eventually the words will just slip out.

In other, more exciting news, I'm taking all of next week off. ALL WEEK.

My vacations tend to put me in stressful situations, far off countries, or I get stuck at home putting down wood floors. This time around, I'm spending the week with ME, doing some baking, recording, cleaning and napping. I'm so excited, I can't even explain it.

On that note, to the weekend we go!

Yesterday was weird.

I had an unexpected day off work, which was great, except that I couldn't really decide what to do with myself. I puttered around for a bit before I decided to walk my lazy ass down to Preston and get all my knives sharpened.

There's something about walking though Centretown with a giant bag full of knives, let me tell you.

Now I have knives so sharp I'm scared to use them. I was washing them in the sink after I brought them home and sliced my heavy duty sponge in two. Eventually I'll graduate from sponges to actual food. The reason I got them sharpened in the first place was to avoid the mess I become when I'm cutting onions.

So. It's December. Consider my mind blown.

Obviously I knew it was coming. I have a calender. I know that December follows November. But I know how quickly December slides by, so I'm already wondering if I'm going to blink and find myself in January.

Here are some of the things I'll be doing to make December as great as possible:

- make mincemeat pies

- make chocolate candy cane bark for my co-workers

- have a million dinners with my friends

- order my final two or three Christmas gifts

- buy more Hannukah gelt

- bring out my Christmas decorations and do up the apartment

- listen to a lot of loud choral music

- hang out with my puppy and my BH as much as I can

- send out some holiday cards with pictures, especially to family in India

- sing in the choir!

- make some lists (funny, I wrote this down before I noticed the irony)


How about you? What are you going to do to make sure your month is fun fun fun?

I don't know what's gotten into me. I just scrubbed the kitchen floor and cleaned out my oven because I had nothing else do to.

Usually when I have nothing else to do, I devour my chocolate stash or I watch a movie. As long as it involves sloth or greed, I do it.

Maybe I have swine flu of the brain?

Now I have a sparkly kitchen, with the only downside being that I raked my hand across some broken glass during the mad clean and now I have teeny cuts. Boo.

This weekend seems blissfully clear of obligations. Do you know how happy this makes me? SO HAPPY, let me tell you. Obviously it's my own fault that I tend to over schedule, but still. An empty weekend just looks so good right now.

Maybe I'll clean the bedroom. Or maybe I could do what normal people do and procrastinate all the things I want to finish.

Holiday prep is going well. We have a homemade wreath, we have highly alcoholic mincemeat for pie making, and I listened to my first Christmas CD yesterday. It's choral Christmas, so it doesn't always sound super festive (often Gregorian and depressing, as it turns out), but still. Tres excitant.

One of my BH's gifts came in the mail today, and I ordered his main present yesterday. I'm already having so much fun. Thank goodness for internet shopping.

I should go pass out now, since chiseling layers of grime out of my oven managed to exhaust me. As a parting gift, I leave you.....

MORTY'S ASS.

That's how you know I love you.

My BH asked me what I would like for Christmas, and the answer turned out to be surprising.

I keep a list of potential gifts for him that is as long as my arm - I'm always coming across things he would love, and every time I do, I write it down. It's all about the lists with me. Without them, I would never remember anything.

I thought I had a similar list for myself. I told him as much: "Oh, I'm easy to shop for. I can send you a bunch of ideas if you want... I have lots of fun things bookmarked."

But when I went to send him this supposedly long list, I realized that I was completely wrong. All my bookmarks and wish lists, Etsy, Amazon, eBay, etc, were full of things for other people. Seriously, just STACKED with ideas for friends and family. I had the occasional cookbook marked for myself, or a print that I thought was special, but that only accounted for about 5% of my stash. It was a weird thing to realize.

I threw together a few ideas and sent them his way. There are always practical things I like... Books, a deep lasagna pan, silver earrings (I love me some silver earrings), a trip to the spa. Nowhere near the collection I thought I had, but that's okay. I would be thrilled if he made me dinner, with no need to spend money, but I know he's not going to settle for that.

In the meantime, I am having a blast getting his Christmas gifts together. He's the only person I go nuts for during the holidays, so I'll cut myself some slack... I'm pretty tame the rest of the year. And it's not even that I'm spending much money - I'm just excited because I know he'll really like his presents.

Next in my holiday planning: mincemeat pie. My mom made us a wreath out of the vines in her backyard, so we're getting there bit by bit.

What can I say? I love this time of year. After I cut mall shopping out of my Christmas routine, I started to ADORE the holidays. Now I have a low-stress, handmade-heavy, food-centric season to enjoy.

I'm pretty happy about it.

PS,

Not sure if I'll be able to update while I'm gigging in Toronto this weekend, so have a great couple of days! I'll see some of you at the show!

Something lovely happened over the weekend. Well, something other than the happy combination of eating, drinking and family. That is also lovely.

My BH and I went to visit the house where we used to live. Our cousins live there now - we just got to hang out in the house while they were out of the country for a few years. I digress.

I have a lot of great cousins. Is it possible to have bad cousins? I suppose so.... But I've always been spoiled with choice. I have eleventy million cousins, all of whom I like.

We walked in the door and greeted my cousin's wife. The phone rang and someone asked for her husband. "He can't come to the phone right now," she said. "He's meditating."

Like I said: great cousins.

Anyhow. I was chatting with said cousin when he finished meditating. He asked how I was, and I sort of blathered on about my stressers, my plans, how I was stressed about my plans, how sometimes things are stressful.... I said "I'll probably need to wait at least four years to get [my plans] started."

And here comes the lovely part.

He said, "Four years seems like a long time. Why don't you just start sooner?"

He took my shocked silence as a sign to elaborate.

"For example, you could just [do this clever thing] and [do this clever thing] and have all your bases covered. And then you can get on with life."

You know what? He was right. I CAN do those things. A lot of my dreams are projected into the future, to commence at some unknown time, if I get a lot of other stuff done first. But waiting endlessly to start living your dreams can, for lack of a better explanation, suck a lot. You feel like you're in a holding pattern. You wonder if you'll ever get to live your dreams at all. You lose purpose.

My cousin has led an extraordinary life, largely due to his attitude. He's a "yes" kind of person. He dreams big, and then follows through. He is calm, but driven too.

It was nice of him to nudge me along. I'm pleased to report that my dreams are well within reach, and in the name of seasonal appropriateness, I'm giving some serious thanks.

First thing's first: it was hailing today. I was in the Glebe running errands, and then ice pellets fell from the sky. ICE PELLETS! Did any of you see it? I even have photographic evidence!



I was so surprised that I barely got my camera out in time.

How is your Thanksgiving weekend going, Canadian folks? Mine is going swimmingly. Last night, we had dinner with my parents, my Bubbi and my Uncle Keven (biologically not an uncle, but family nonetheless). We perused my mom's Joy of Cooking from 1973, which included recipies and instructions for cooking squirrel, beaver, woodchuck, peccary and wild boar. Please note the nasty pictures on how to skin all these animals.

Amazing, and maybe a little bit creepy.

Morty parked his fine ass right next to my Bubbi, because she is the only family member who feeds him at the table. He is her great-grandog, after all.

Note his affection:

Oh, Morty. You are shameless.

My parents backyard was beautiful, especially their crabapple tree.

Morty was excited to play in a backyard, since we don't have one at the apartment. He licked some grass to show his approval. He's pretty much hilarious no matter what he does.

We admired the apples.

Morty devoured a stick.

And chased my BH around (can't say I blame him).

Morty eventually found an apple of his very own. We advised everyone to let him have it. He had that look in his eye...

"Don't touch my apple, bitches."

Oh! Morty's bum! How did that get in there?

Wishing y'all a happy Thanksgiving!

Even though I had that disastrous gig not long ago, things have actually been going pretty well on the music front. For one thing, my music web site ran out of CDs!

(Granted, it took three years of pretty infrequent sales, those are details I'll gloss over for the moment. It's still exciting.)

Right now, I'm putting together a little package of albums for my distribution company so they can keep mailing them out to the kind folks who order. I still don't know what my iTunes sales were like following the radio broadcast, but eventually I'll get to take a peek. I'm hoping it will be enough to let me take my BH out on a hot date, which is my motivation for a surprising number of things. I'm also squirreling away funds to cover Christmas expenses, which isn't really a hot date, but still worthy.

My gig at the Elmdale is coming up soon too: October 29. Mark it down, folks! I'm playing first, which is good for you (early night, should you choose) and good for me (post-set drinking). Maybe I'll take the next day off work. That would be wise, no?

There are so many holidays coming up. Thanksgiving totally caught me off guard, but it will be fun because (I'm hoping) there will be pumpkin pie at one or all the meals. Halloween is always fun, but this year will be especially good... My Venus Envy gals are throwing together another Certain Sort that night! And Christmas / Hannukah.... Well.... I know it's too early to plan it in detail, but I do love those holidays.

Something should really be done about the vast expanse that happens after Christmas. It's like a fun vacuum. Valentine's Day is hardly enough to bridge the gap. Maybe a national Bulldog Appreciation Day is in order? Who am I kidding. I do that ALL THE TIME.

Okay, I've got some stellar Morty pics coming your way soon... Happy long weekend to the lot of ya.

We came home last night to a very happy bulldog. Morty had a great time with his sitter while we were gone, but my goodness, is he ever a snuggle sponge today. He's all, "Rub my bum! Now kiss my ears! Hug me! Throw my toy! And then rub my bum!"

We are happy to oblige.

This little trip was exactly what the doctor ordered. Not literally, of course. The crap I've done to my legs from all the walking is certainly NOT what my doctor would have wanted.

But it felt good to be away. The kind of away that lets you book a hotel for a couple of nights, visit some friends, and have date after date with your partner. The kind of away that helps you remember why you're plodding along doing occasionally mundane stuff. Why, it's so that you can enjoy your holiday time, of course!

Oddly, sometimes it takes being out of town with my BH to remember what a good team we are. My sense of direction paired with his ability to find cool shops. My organizing and highlighted lists with his relaxed temperament (This paid off especially well when we missed our train on Friday and had to take a bus up instead. Apparently I had accidentally bought tickets for a 5:45 AM train, not a 5:45 PM train. Having a laid-back partner is a must for situations like this - otherwise I would have had a meltdown.)

Some highlights from the trip:

- having a hotel that was a few blocks away from our dear friend Shawna
- being upgraded to a nicer room when we checked in, seemingly because we were friendly
- watching Shawna play a set in the middle of a giant art festival
- discovering a wonderful Japanese grocery store, and buying a bottle of brown liquid there just because it had a bulldog on it (I was assured the liquid tasted like caramelized onions)
- finding a bottle of clear liquid in the same store that was listed as a beverage but was called "sweat"
- meeting no less than four English bulldogs and two French bulldogs in ONE DAY
- having Wendell the English bulldog cuddle me and then snot in my eye (it felt like I was home!)
- buying some cute dresses and tops
- catching up with our dear friend Rachel, who is one of the more charming people I know
- randomly finding a farmer's market in downtown east, thus scoring some creamed honey and maple syrup!
- eating a lunch Shawna packed for us on the train ride home

I'm sure there are more things to report, but I'll probably remember them when I am uploading the photos for a later post. Either way, we're happy to be home, and excited to go back whenever we can. I'll actually be in Toronto this November for a gig, so we'll see if I can sneak out for some Japanese groceries and some bulldog lovin'.

We went to see our Morty-sitter last night to make sure everything was going to be fine while we were gone. The visit completely put my mind at ease.

Morty was SO HAPPY to see him, SO HAPPY to be running around his place, and SO HAPPY to be hanging out with someone who likes to play the way a bulldog plays. I know Morty will miss us, because he misses us when we're not in the same room as him, let alone city... But at least now I think he'll have a blast while we're gone. They'll both be spending time at our place this weekend too, so at least Morty will still have all his favourite things around.

Now I'm scrambling to get everything in order. Lists, maps, numbers, cash, music... And then a full weekend of hot dates with my BH.

EXCELLENT.

Bring on the vacation!

This post is going to be a mish-mash of what's going on in my brain - just a warning that it may not tie together all that well.

I had a big long talk with The Colombian this past weekend. He called unexpectedly from Miami, and I was thrilled to see his weird phone number on my screen. There is something about catching up with people I've known forever that just tickles me silly.

I think he is the only friend I have that can get away with being a consistently shit-awful communicator. If anyone else disappeared for months or years at a time, blowing off e-mails and phone calls repeatedly, I'd lose interest and move on to someone who gave a crap. I've quit trying to stay friends with people who don't care one way or the other. But him? The times where we do talk are so, so worth it. I've stopped feeling hurt or rejected by his lousy convo skills, because I know that underneath it all, he's still a really great friend. Funny, that. The exception to the rule.

He's coming back in November for a visit. I wonder if he'll call.... ;)

In the past, I've mentioned how my feet and legs are pretty fucked up (very flat feet, very sore knees, compressed nerves making everything numb). I'm trying different things to make my body a little less unhappy, including the massages with my fab cousin Brian, stretches, and hopefully some new orthodics. Actually, the most helpful thing I've tried was having a chiropractor stretch out my legs and feet, but it's hard to get there for an appointment.

Anyway, now I'm trying out a foam roller. My BH bought it when he was at a fitness store, and I nearly laughed him out of the house. It's like a giant pool noodle, except that it's much more rigid. CUE MORE LAUGHTER. I may have put it between my legs and galloped around the house on it. Maybe.

The exercises you can use it for are actually exactly what I need. I'm hoping that I can do them every couple of days. Unfortunately, when I tried these stretches out last night, I realized the tragic flaw of the foam roller: If you have really damaged yourself, chances are that even the easiest stretches will BURN WITH THE FIRE OF A THOUSAND SUNS and make you scream out in pain.

As I did.

On our living room floor last night.

In my underwear, using the blasted foam roller. Screeching.

I'll keep taking it slow with the hopes that I can graduate to stretching without pain sometime in the future. I guess I've just realized that the foam roller is designed for people with normal aches. Not people with years of ouch built up in their legs.

This weekend is our trip to Toronto. On one hand I'm really excited (shopping! friends! hotel!), but overall? I'm so nervous about leaving Morty. He's staying with a neighbour of ours who loves dogs, and adores Morty. I'm sure he'll do a lovely job. But we've only been away from Morty ONCE since we got him over a year ago, and I'm feeling a little hysterical about being without him for three days.

I hope it goes well.

I really hope that I can put my mind to rest and enjoy my vacation without worrying about my puppy all weekend.

Oy veh.

This was a truly lovely long weekend. Allow me to illustrate...

Morty and Jewel took a walk together and didn't attempt to kill each other. Jewel belongs to two of my best friends and let's just say she didn't get the memo about loving thy neighbourly dog.

To be fair to Jewel, Morty has taken to taunting her, just because he can. Sneaky boy!



Mark opened some mighty fine wine, and we all drank it. Is there anything finer than drinking wine with friends in a park?

No.

Holy shit, that was some great food. See the sushi rice/tofu pockets? I made those! More info for those who want to know. Can't recommend them enough.

Here, Milan's brother attempts to explain "gaming" to me. I lost him when he started talking about runes and trolls... Or troll runes... Or... Beards? I don't remember. I was lost, as I said.

But he's all into it.

You can see Milan's excellent photos in the background. Oh! And there's Milan!

Mmmm. Coffee. Did you know that I didn't drink coffee until Raw Sugar opened?

True.

Random Stella fact, just for you.

There you have it. I couldn't have asked for a better time. Here's hoping you did something lovely this weekend too!

As it turns out, rehearsing in this insane heat makes me play like an idiot, and sing like a drunk.

Yesterday's rehearsal was so wonky. We were all feeling out of it, and the room was baking us alive. I'm a big fan of the heat... But I don't like what it does to my band practice. Halfway through, the fan started clicking like a crazed bird, and we couldn't shut it off.

Today I really did get a vacation - no rehearsal, no office, no nothing. My BH had his first day of summer classes, so I dropped him off at the university and walked into the Market. I used to spend all my time in the Market, because I worked there and also because my BH lived there. I used to like it. Now the sheer number of people make me want to run away screaming. Either the Market got busier or I lost my patience.

I ducked into Letellier to avoid the throng, convincing myself as I walked through the door that a new pair of funky shoes will keep my confidence up at the show next week. I tried on several pairs of colourful, wild shoes, but they didn't have any in size TINY for my feet. So I walked out with a pair of black, practical wedges.

Not what I had in mind, but still nice. I'll have to re-think the outfit now.

Another fun heat-related tidbit: sun rash has started! Do any of you get sun rash? As I type, it is crawling across my feet and winding up my legs. I think I'll take a cold bath to stop the madness.

Oh, and if the sight of a violent red rash wasn't attractive enough, I also have a hickey on my neck. Happy Wednesday!

I have the next three days off in what was supposed to be my summer vacation. After I found out about The Gig, I filled each day with rehearsals, so I guess I'll just be doing a different kind of work. No complaints here.

My laptop is in the shop, so I can't upload any pictures. That's a damn shame. I've got pictures of Shawna's biceps, me in a green dress, a drunken closeup of my eye, Morty, Morty, Morty, and a great shot of Milan schooling someone on the law as it relates to photographers.*

Also, in most excellent news, I have finished a song! I do hope this is a sign of things to come. I'd like to catch up a bit this summer, since it's been such a dry year for writing.

Tonight we are breaking out our teeny grill and cooking up some spicy trout. Then we're off to the NAC to watch Thomson Highway's Cree Cabaret. Maybe this will be a vacation after all.


*Have you ever witnessed someone trying to argue with Milan? It's like watching a train wreck, and Milan always walks away unscathed. Then he shrugs and says something like, "They really ought to know their facts a bit better." It's the best.

Oy. The vacation is over.

It's funny, but I only spent one week at home and going back to the office already seems strange. I think I'm destined for non-office work within the next five years. Let's call it a gut feeling.

I left you a little teaser about the good queer fun at Certain Sort Friday night, but instead of writing about it on Saturday, I hopped in a car and drove to Montreal. And then drove back. Okay, I wasn't the one driving, but all that exhausting Montreal goodness sapped me for posts.

Last year's Certain Sort is a blur, one which I will blame entirely on lychee martinis. This year I was working the door, so you'd think that I would be more careful with my booze intake. Not so! While I wasn't slurring my words, I was nowhere near sober. I was on the other side of the city from sober, really.

Luckily, the Venus Envy gals thought ahead and paired me with Heather for the evening. I love being paired with Heather. We somehow manage to have fun while simultaneously keeping each other in check. Which I think we did. Keeping each other in check, that is. The photographs indicate that we had a great deal of fun. I remember taking... Some of them. There was a lot of fab music and hot ladies and cleavage (we had agreed ahead of time that cleavage would be the uniform of those working the door; I did my best with what I had).

Most exciting though? I won the raffle! I've never won a raffle in my life, and my very first raffle prize was a dvd of lesbian boxing porn. Man, was I ever proud. When I got home, I woke up my BH to show him my loot. I think his response was a muffled groan instead of the expected, "Wow, what a delightful dvd of lesbian boxing porn you've got there!"

Hey, it was 3 AM. I can't blame him for wanting to sleep.

So that was the big ending to my week long vacation at home - I couldn't have asked for anything better. My BH and I have rented another season of Bones because we are hopelessly addicted. Television plus local asparagus will make this week go by quite nicely indeed.

I realize I've missed a million days of posting my vacation fun, but as it turns out, this week was a bit of a vacation from blogging too. It's been a really great rest, and now I'm grappling with the thought of it being over. Sigh.

Some things I did:

1. YOGA! I pulled my stomach muscles so badly that it hurts to laugh, but I didn 't hate it. One step at a time.

2. SWIMMING! My BH and I had a hot date at the local pool, and I happily swam ten laps. I think I'll go back. Public pools aren't as scary as I remember them being when I was a kid.

3. REHEARSAL! I've had practice with Brian almost every day this week, and may I say, we actually sound like we know what we're doing. Harmonies in sync and everything.

4. BONES! No, really, Bones the television show. We rented the third season on a whim and are now completely hooked. I liked the show fairly passively before, but I'm ready to catch up on a few years of back episodes now. It's too fun.

This evening is all about queer dancing at Certain Sort. I'll be working the door during the drunk shift (after midnight). Come on over and say hi!

1. Took Morty to the vet, where he voided his bowels on the floor out of sheer panic. Made mental note not to take him back to the vet unless absolutely necessary. He hates it there.

2. Made lasagna!

3. Wrote a song. I also wrote a song yesterday, which was the first song I had written since October. Turns out all I need to write is a quiet space and a closed door. (And a guitar, obvs)

4. Had rehearsal with Brian. Split a bottle of wine between the two of us in between songs.

5. Pondered starting my yoga challenge as planned, and realized I was drunk. Bussed to Silver City and watched Wolverine instead.

I'm now home, ready to curl up in bed with my puppy and my sweetheart. It's been a pretty nice day off.