I guess I never told you about how we enjoyed our Day At The Spa. Probably because, hello, it's a DAY AT THE SPA and there's very little that can be unpleasant in a day like that.
Sure enough, we both floated out of there. My skin is glowing and my BH smells like peaches (as evidenced by Morty trying to eat his feet whenever possible). And the massages were professional with no S&M involved. It will be a very long time before we can afford to do that again, but it was well worth saving up our gift certificates. Okay, I didn't so much "save up" as I did "lose" my gift certificate, but I found it right on time. DON'T JUDGE.
I'm nearing the end of Christmas shopping, which is great because I have yet to go into an actual store. I'm surprisingly good with Christmas crowds and I am usually patient in lines. But the music? I can't stomach the music. It's usually the worst Christmas shit imaginable and I would much rather be home with my own wee collection of tasteful Christmas tunes. I'm that girl who is cool as a cucumber until someone throws on Mariah Carey wearing a Santa hat and suddenly I start looking for blunt objects.
For the locals: Did you happen to notice the temperature? It's killing me, this cold. I do not pretend to enjoy these winters, but I will say that I am grateful that my rent includes the cost of heat. Even poor Morty has changed his mind about the snow - when the temperature started to plummet, he cut his own walk short and dragged me back home.
Still, while the weather outside is frightful (bwahaha, I am such a cheeseball), I am happy to report that we already have our Christmas tree set up. It's a real tree, and I'm not sure if we'll do it again this way, because it stresses me out a bit knowing that my BH doesn't like having a live (soon to be dead) tree in the house. I think I'll have to invest in a hot pink fake tree and just use fresh wreathes instead. But anyways, the tree is up and it's delightful. The smell alone makes me happy. Morty is scared of it, which shocks no one.
In other news, I am attending a bulldog party this week, featuring bulldogs of all shapes and sizes (mostly of the round and squat variety, though). It's going to be epic.
The bad news is that I did NOT wake up an hour early this morning, even though I set my alarm to go off twice and had the volume turned way up.
The good news is that my morning bus ride was just fine, and I got to work at my regular time despite sleeping in.
The moral of the story is: I really want some apple pie.
A muscle under my right eye has been twitching for the past two or three weeks. I didn't want to mention it because my mouth trauma had hijacked the site. And frankly, even though I may look like a twitchy serial killer, I am too burnt out to go find out why my eye continues to spasm. Perhaps I am twitchy because I am burnt out. Or perhaps I am a serial killer.
More likely to be the burnt out thing.
Do you know what I like? I like it when someone accidentally says "The House has been pierogied" as though our Parliament was just turned into a giant doughy potato dumpling. It sounds so much more delicious than the reality. And the reality just makes me twitchy.
It seems like all the local bloggers are going to Not Your Grandma's Craft Sale. I love craft sales, and I love Ladyfest Ottawa, but I cannot go. This is because I WILL BE AT THE SPA WITH MY BH. Oops, sorry. Didn't mean to yell. I'm just a little bit excited.
My BH's Top Secret Christmas Gift came in the mail last night and I am so incredibly pleased with it. We also get our tree tonight! Jesus, I am the worst Jew ever. I've got Christmas cheer coming out my ass.
Have fun at the craft sale everyone. Hopefully my BH and I will have nice relaxing massages that have nothing to do with Indian S&M parlours.
For those of you following the madness in the House of Commons, I will say this much.
When I saw Mr. Dion speaking last night in a badly-taped segment, sitting directly in front of a book whose spine read "hot air" (did you notice? it was there) I knew the coalition was toast. So as exciting as this past week has been, I can't say that I am very surprised by the Governor General's decision to prorogue the House.
Now we wait and see what happens.
In non-political news:
I have been getting airplay in France, which I didn't really believe until my site traffic started to spike. Yay France! You are delightful!
My BH and I bought these dark chocolate caramel things that are rolled in crunchy salt. You know what sucks? Trying to balance your cravings with the knowledge that you are fighting off an infection in your wisdom tooth. And then dealing with the guilt of choosing the chocolate. Booo.
During that same shopping trip, we set aside a chunk of our budget to buy things for a local women's shelter. Following recommendations from friends, we picked up $35 in shampoo, conditioner, soaps, toothbrushes, cake mix, and yummy granola bars. I can't remember the last time I had that much fun shopping. I think I'll make this a regular thing, even though I'm not exactly rolling in money.
Remember when I said I wasn't going to sing at the staff Christmas party? HAH. When I told my manager, he expressed dismay that he wouldn't be able to join me on stage in a duo. To which I jokingly responded, "Well, if you're singing with me, I'll do it." To which he seriously responded, "Great! Let's pick a song."
Allow me to react within the confines of this blog: NOOOOOOOO!!! I THOUGHT I WAS FREEEEE!!!
Instead I am searching for a suitable duet to sing with my boss. Something telephone or work-themed. I've gotten some good suggestions, but the floor is open to anyone who has an idea. Please keep in mind that I may be slightly intoxicated at this event, so nothing that involves complicated chord progressions would be appreciated.
A lot of buses were detoured this morning, and will be every morning for a long time. I guess that's what happens when an important bridge is found to be structurally unsound. Although I'm a pretty patient person, the thought of waking up an hour earlier to make my way to work makes me want to cry.
That's about all my brain can offer today...
So my dentist says: "Let's get rid of this infection and if it keeps coming back, I'll just remove your remaining three wisdom teeth." Then he smiled pleasantly, like he figured that would be a fun time for everyone involved.
I'm thinking I'll get rid of the infection, thanks. I love my dentist, but I don't want him yanking out three teeth because one of them is giving me trouble. The logic? She does not work.
Morty is on a pooping kick! How lovely! He refused to poo last night before bed, and by this morning he couldn't stand it any more and left a little gift next to my BH's night stand. It was an unpleasant surprise. And Morty looked soooo depressed.
Let's just say that he will be making mandatory pre-bed poos from now on. Aah, life with a puppy.
Yesterday morning I had zero things bought for Christmas. Now I have my BH, my mom, and my sister taken care of. That's not bad. Next up: in-laws, my BH's brother and sister, my Bubbi and my dad. I can manage this. I totally can.
Besides finishing up the gifts, I have a long list of things to do before the big day hits.
- Make dumplings! I know this isn't Christmas related, but I keep meaning to get it done so I'm not tempted to buy lunch.
- Get rip-roaring drunk. (It's just part of my holiday celebrations, okay?)
- Make mulled wine and Mexican egg nog.
- Assemble mincemeat and let it ferment. Consume it. Do it all again.
- Put up the tree! My BH surprised me by hooking us up with a real tree for Christmas. Considering that he's not a fan of real Christmas trees, I am super thrilled and appreciative. Now I just need to find the decorations...
- Watch both Harper's and Dion's statements on TV tonight and laugh and laugh and laugh.
- Go to my office Christmas party and avoid getting dragged on stage to sing. It happens to me every year and I am DONE people. I don't like to be the centre of attention at office functions - I prefer to hide under my desk.
- Buy winter boots and a winter coat. I technically already have both, but they didn't perform well last winter and I got tired of having wet ankles.
Whew. That's a lot of stuff. Best get started with the mulled wine thing.
Dudes, I am embarrassed to admit this, but I'm going to go ahead and say it.
The day my mouth thingy cleared up, my wisdom tooth on the other side of my mouth started coming in. And it's tearing up the gum. And it's.... Infected.
I'm going to see the dentist tomorrow. Not happy. Not happy at all. The Gods are conspiring to make sure I can't sample my own Christmas baking and that I have to gargle salt water eleventy times a day. LAME.
Moving on.
Jo was sweet enough to invite Morty and I over for some clementine consumption last night. Morty walked in her front door, checked Shy Dog's food dish for goodies, and crapped in her hallway. Awkward! He hasn't crapped in someone's house for months and months! But he looked so sad after that I knew he just misjudged the power of his own little bowels. Aw, poor guy.
My BH joined the party after I cleaned up the poo and we all had a grand time. Especially Morty who clearly thinks Shy Dog is foxy. If you catch my drift.
Since I hope to one day chew with both sides of my mouth again, I am planning out some Christmas cooking. So far I'm going to make mincemeat (without the meat, obvs), pie of all kinds, roasted garlic on everything (except the mincemeat, obvs) and braised cabbage. It's exciting! I love food!
Here's hoping the dentist doesn't yank out my tooth. That would seriously impede my holiday weight gain plans.
1. My mouth is better! Apparently it was a pretty normal mouth sore that got crazy infected, hence the pain and problems swallowing. My doctor said it would be gone within a few days and sure enough, it's gone. YAY! I was expecting something much worse than that.*
2. All this coalition talk is boggling my mind. I think I like it. Even if this whole plan faceplants, it's fun to see history happen. Nobody knows what the shit is going to happen, and that's oddly entertaining to me.
3. I cut off all my hair and dyed half my head brown, half my head platinum. Took me three minutes to do it up this morning. Most excellent.
4. Christmas is coming really, really fast. I was putting off present-buying until the next paycheque, but I think that would put me in dangerous territory. I'll have to get on that. Like, today.
5. My laptop is back from the dead. The virus had destroyed part of the registry, so it was wiped and Windows was re-installed. Startup time yesterday was 20 seconds, versus 30 minutes last week. God, I missed my laptop.
My weekend was supposed to be productive and exciting and instead I fell asleep on the couch. FOR HOURS AND HOURS. Nothing got done. This includes packing a proper lunch today, so I am going to be eating two giant carrots and four boiled beets.
Sigh.
*BY THE WAY. When rinsing with salt, I figured I would go big or go home. As in, I put in so much salt that the water nearly turned to paste. Upon hearing this, my doctor said, "Ummm, you only need a half a teaspoon per cup, not a quarter cup per cup. All that salt may have actually irritated it further." Whoops. Live and learn.
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